Zombie

This is what I've felt like lately.  (

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Wow!  Where did the last month go?  I really think I slept through most of it.

What I've been up to:

We go July 3rd to for our anatomy ultrasound, and might be able to tell friends and family what it is by the time we head up to visit in July.  Maybe now that I'm starting to exit my zombification, I'll start to get some of that excitement.  It's got to kick in at some point, right?  I think mostly I'm still mildly freaked out by the overwhelming feeling of responsibility that's danging over my head on a fraying strand of spiderweb.

A friend gave me a glider and gliding ottoman.  I've been reupholstering it, and so far it looks good (I think). I still have to finish the arms before it's done, but I have to wait until I can afford some more poly-fil.

before

after

I also made a silly little decoration thing out of fun colors of tulle.

You can't see all the fun colors in there, unfortunately.  :-( 

I've also made some attempts at making clothes (thankfully no pictures have been taken).  I went through all my fabric and got rid of all the stuff I realistically knew I wouldn't ever use.  Bye-bye piles of old polyester scraps...  I kept some lightweight cotton feeling fabric, and made an attempt at a dress.  It's ok... a little tenty (ok, a lot tenty), and it doesn't fit right through the bust.  That last bit could be because the darn things keep growing like I'm 13 again.  It seemed to fit ok when I first made it.  It needs lining as well, but a slip would also serve.  I have some more cotton feeling fabric that I am going to attempt to make into some poet/peasant shirts.  I actually have patterns for the shirts.  The dress was a sort of wing-and-a-prayer project.  B says it looks fine, but I'd really rather have a second opinion.  He's been trying so hard to be nice lately that I fear honesty might be suffering for it LOL.  Little white lies about how I look, or the state of the house, not like he's telling fat whoppers.  I made a skirt of out two silk scarves.  It actually turned out about as intended.  I need to seam up the side a little farther or add a second button under the first, but otherwise it turned out ok.  It also needs either a slip or a lining because it's so sheer, but it's lightweight and comfortable.  I don't know if I would brave wearing it outside of the house or just around friends/family, but it serves for now.

I honestly can't afford to buy a maternity wardrobe, so I'm trying to find ways around it.  I've been using rubber bands as button extenders for my pants, but I don't know how long that's going to work out.  My butt seems to be pregnant as well as my thighs.  Ugh!  If either get any bigger I won't be able to fit in my pants and shorts at all to use the rubber band trick.

How I've been:

BITCHY!  Wow, B is a saint.  He really is.  I haven't treated him like much of one the past month or so, but he's rolled with it like a champ.  I get so irritated at the stupidest stuff, and won't realize how stupid I'm being till it's already over.  Then, I'll feel really guilty and want to cry.  I don't cry, so that's even more disturbing than the bitchiness.  Bitchy (in moderation) is normal, but then wanting to cry because I suddenly feel so horrible about being a bitch is not.  I think B is more disturbed when I get leaky around the eyes than he is when I'm abnormally grumpy.  Most of the time he just gives me a hug and says "let it go, babe.  It'll be ok." There have been a few days when I felt he deserved a medal, or a least a commendation of some sort.  He's only gotten grumpy back a couple of times, and then was immediately trying not to be grumpy.  My sister-in-law says that he must be being absolutely amazing, because most pregnant women can't stand their husbands and think they're complete assholes.  There have been times he's gotten on my nerves, but I can recognize (sometimes when it's happening, sometimes later) that I'm being irrational.  I try really hard not to be psychotic, and B tells me I'm doing a good job.  But he also told me once that his philosophy when dealing with his sister when she was pregnant was "If I can't say anything nice, lie."  So he might just be humoring me, but he says I'm not quite as crazy as most of the pregnant women he's dealt with in the past.  I know he tries really really hard to be sweet and considerate, and I appreciate it an awful lot.  Just putting up with me without getting visibly irritated, I think, is a Herculean feat in itself LOL.  He's truly being wonderful.  I try to make it a point to tell him that every day.

So unbelievably tired...  I'll get up, have my single cup of coffee for the day, attempt to start *something* constructive or productive, then wake up on the couch an hour later feeling even worse than when I first woke up.  I'll struggle to stay awake all day, then at night - doing the happy dance of joy all the way there - I crawl in my bed, snuggle up amongst the pillows... and be awake almost all night trotting to the damned bathroom.

Nothing tastes or smells like it ought to.  I'll make something for dinner that I normally would love (like asparagus, or broccoli, or cubed steak, even fried chicken), only to put the first bite in my mouth and go "I don't want it."  We've been eating more fast food and junk lately than I think I've eaten in my entire adult life.  I normally can't stomach junk and fast food for long, because it makes me sick with all the grease.   But here lately, tater tots, hamburgers, hot dogs (oh my gods how I love hot dogs lately!  I normally gag on the thought of them) have been all I've seemed to really enjoy.  I don't only eat that rubbish, but I've indulged more that I really ought to have.  And things smell weird.  For a while I could smell EVERYTHING.  Literally, everything.  After work, I'd have to talk to B from the bottom of the stairs while he changed upstairs, because that's as close as I could stand to get.  Now, though my nose is still more sensitive than normal, it just seems to be out of alignment a bit.  Things seem to smell strange.  I'm completely weird about meat in the fridge now.  It all smells weird to me, so I can't tell if it's ok to cook or eat.  I'm constantly getting B to come smell something and give his opinion.

Fortunately, I haven't had anything I would consider morning sickness, no extreme food aversions, or anything like that.  The closest I have come to that is being strongly offended by the smell of the Blue Bonnets in bloom.  There are fields of them along the state highways down here, and they normally smell wonderful.  Any floral smell made my stomach roll over for a while.  The neighbors have a rose bush by their front door, and I'd have to hold my breath on my way to and from our door.  That's passed, though.  Yay!