Wednesday, September 14, 2011
There was something said the other day that made me try to step back and take an unbiased look at my life. Of course, about the time I tried to do that, I realized it was pretty impossible. We are a culmination of the experiences of our lives, and our responses to those experiences make us who we are by coloring everything that comes after.
In taking that step back, though, I've come to the conclusion that I am absolutely, completely, totally, 100% f*c*ing SPOILED. Rotten. Horribly, and irrevocably.
I get woken up with a kiss and coffee every morning. I know, that seems a little backwards, but we've come to the conclusion that I am *much* nicer if he wakes me up after he's back from PT rather than getting up with him. Besides, he doesn't eat until after PT anyway. But, he doesn't have to wake me up like he does.
I work, but it's not full time. Even if I didn't work at all, we could still make it, and he's still willing to take care of me, because I take care of him.
I work in my PJ's if I want.
I have time for arts and crafts.
I have food in the pantry and refrigerator.
I have time to cook good food, like it's supposed to be.
I laugh. A LOT.
I get to keep my cat. (I love my Li'l Bit)
I have a friggin awesome apartment, that I love!
I have a nice little back yard, with a white privacy fence.
I have friends that like to hang out in that back yard, laughing, A LOT.
I have central heating and air.
I have a dishwasher.
I have a clothes line.
I have free gas and free water that I don't have to budget for.
I have a refrigerator.
I have a comfy bed.
I get kisses and hugs every day he's here.
I laugh. A LOT!
I have friends and family that I miss and love.
I have clothes to wear.
I have a husband who's loving, patient, considerate, and helpful. Yes, he get's moody, has bad days, and can be frustrating, but who can't? I know I can!
I have the bestest sewing desk EVAR! (courtesy of above mentioned husband)
I have knowledge, skills, and abilities that my Gramma and dad taught me that allow me to take advantage of the good fortune of being a housewife to make the house more efficient and comfortable.
I am independent.
I'm a homebody.
I'm pretty simple.
I like it that way.
My husband loves me.
I love my husband.
I like to cook, sew, knit, embroider, quilt, crochet, and otherwise behave as if I were 30 years older than I am.
Can I complain?
Sure I can.
I do a mountain of laundry every week.
I have a hole in my knee.
I wake up grumpy as all hell, sometimes (kisses and coffee have worked WONDERS on that aspect of my personality, though)
I don't always want to play little miss sociable, sometimes I want to tell people to go away so I can have some mental health time.
Sometimes B irritates the snot out of me.
Sometimes I irritate the snot out of me.
I miss rain.
I'm not looking forward to his next deployment (whenever that may be).
His future is still completely up in the air, because no one knows what to do with the four 11Bs that were odd men out (B and our Pup are two of those). B may be going to classes here, may be going TDY, may be getting new orders for a different post, may be getting assigned to a different unit here... nobody knows. Does it do me any good to bitch? Nope.
Are any of those things so bad that they outweigh the good things? Nope.
Do any of those things keep me up at night? Nope. Not unless something is bothering B really bad, then that bothers me.
Can I name any single factor or combination of factors that bother me so bad that I just want to bitch and whine and lament my existence? Nope.
Honestly? I am stupidly happy with my life. There are little things, every day things, that irritate me, make me frown, bother me, etc. But truthfully, those are generally having to do with B and his irritation at all the unknown quantities right now.
I am enviably happy. Yep, I just said that. I'm thoroughly loving the fact that I don't go to a wage-slave job, but I can still contribute a little bit to our income. I am loving the fact that I can say "hey, baby?" and whatever follows (within reason) is going to get done. I can say "Hey, baby? Will you help me?" and he's already on his way when he says "Watcha need?" I am adoring the fact that we have such a great place to live. I really like living on post, because I like the social interaction (even if I do have to bow out of it from time to time to keep my reclusive sanity). I love knowing that the Pup might pop through the door any second and go "Hi, mom!" flop on the couch and make himself at home. I can't help but chuckle a little when I see Fin pop her head over the fence, climb up on top and perch for a cigarette and a conversation. I even like the fact that she randomly asks me to watch her kid. She's got the cutest, sweetest little midget. I love the fact that I haven't left the house in two weeks other than a quick run to the class six with Katie. I love the fact that even though he's playing a video game that he really enjoys, I can go pounce on my husband, give him kisses, and he won't get pissed at me. I LOVE that. He won't even get pissed if I ask him to get up and do something right in the middle of his game. I love the fact that I am about to go rummage through the fridge to cobble together our dinner from whatever goodies are leftover. I don't love dishes so much, but I love that I have a kitchen to dirty up and the time to absolutely destroy it while making something awesome for my baby.
I guess this post kinda turned into a "let me rub your noses in how happy I am", but I really don't mean it like that. We don't have a lot to spend, we don't go out, we don't throw parties, we don't go to parties, we groan when we're invited to parties, we don't go shopping all the time, or find other expensive ways to enjoy ourselves. It's the little things in life that are the most enjoyable and the most important. You don't need to go buy a new car, new clothes, a new TV, new gaming systems, new appliances, new furniture, new cologne, new accessories, watch the movie on opening night, go to the club, or the bar, or any of that stuff to be happy. If you go looking outside yourself for happiness, you'll never find it. I've looked. I looked for a very long time. Happiness is easy, if you figure out that you are the source of your own happiness.