Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Thoughts and Musings: Duplicity and the tenuous thing called Trust

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  Humans are deceitful creatures.  It is amazing the skill with which they will hide their duplicity, and the brashness with which they will carry it out in utter conviction that it won't come back to bite them in the ass one day.

Well, that dog you thought you had by the tail done got a loose, and guess what?  The other end?  It's got teeth, son.

No, this isn't about B, nor is it about me.  Names are intentionally being omitted here, as are details of the circumstances, but I just thought I would take a minute to order my thoughts.  There are a lot of things that I would like to say to faces right now, but B has asked me to please refrain, as it won't do anyone any good but me.

I dislike being misled.
I dislike being lied to.
I dislike having my trust abused.
I dislike having my hospitality violated.
I dislike having my character impugned.
I dislike feeling like my house, my haven, has been dirtied.
I dislike feeling like person or persons unnamed have been using and abusing my trust.
I dislike feeling like I was an unknowing accomplice in something that I feel is morally base, cruel, and in all honesty disgusting.
I dislike having to bite my tongue.

But most of all, I dislike being gullible and naive.

I thought I had moved past a lot of naivete through life experiences, but I guess the truth is that I really wanted to believe better of people.  I wanted to believe better of this community in particular, even though I know that is foolish.  I still wanted it.

You know what I like?  And in some cases what I love?

Knowing that I can trust B uncompromisingly.
Knowing that he can trust me with the same unswerving faith.
Knowing that there are other people out there who I can rely on without worry of having my foundations built on sand.
Knowing that my ignorance has not been held against me.
Knowing.  Yep, just knowing.  Having doubts and suspicions is worse than knowing a thing for a fact.  I don't have to bite my tongue to keep from asking accusatory questions that would have only been met with denials and possibly hostility.

We'll see what happens now.  I know I, for one, will be more mindful of the company I keep and don't keep, as the case may be.

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